I’ve so far defied conventional wisdom by just saying flat out when I don’t want to deal with off-hours ‘fun’ time. Which has pretty much been every time. During work hours? Sure no problem. No I’m not going to a team dinner or evening movie.

Most egregious one was a couple decades back when the team was arranging a nice holiday dinner. This was early in my career so I hadn’t yet developed the comfort to reject, but the event was “pay your own way” and the restauraunt was a $120 a person, and that is not an inflation adjusted figure. I had barely enough to make rent at the time so there’s no way I was going to piss away $120 just to eat with coworkers that I get to see every day anyway. I was so nervous declining, but it got a bit easier when they acted offended I wouldn’t do it and said $120 wasn’t really a lot of money.

I had these forced socializing events at a company I worked at. The CTO would get mad that I wouldn’t go during lunch aka unpaid time. They would have free unhealthy, low-quality food and couldn’t understand why I did want any. The husband did the right thing. Not going to them hurt my career at that job. Was seen as not a team player.

If they were really concerned about him feeling welcome, they would ask what he wants and take it at face value.

Just go with it. No one will question it.

Next say you’re diabetic to avoid the ice cream socials. Lol

Most of the lactose free ice cream options use shit that upsets your stomach even more than dairy hitting a lactose intolerant stomach. I thought I was gonna die after eating lactose free ben and Jerry’s, but I’m totally fine eating their regular ice cream with some lactase enzyme.

There’s some brands that just add lactase enzyme and those are fine, but the ones I’ve had were just generally low quality ice cream and you’d be better off taking lactase enzyme with a good ice cream…