When I was 16 I had a temp job doing the bins at a hospital. One floor was cancer patients. There was one woman who always said hello to me with a big smile. It stuck with me because I couldn’t understand why somebody in that situation was being so nice to somebody she only saw for 5 mins a day.

Next floor down was for old people. That was a lot more scary than the cancer ward. People dying unexpectedly, aggressive old men, shit all over the toilet floors. I’m glad I did only the bins.

Step one. Get a baby.

And one which doesn’t involve using a phone