Oh my god š
I canāt say I was ever short, but this is kinda totally my caseā¦
very TMI, Miisha loredump
I used to think I was into girlsā¦sorta. From 12 until like 15 years old, I honestly believed that. Not that I was attracted to them, but rather I envied them (I know that now, lol). Still, I felt like liking girls was the ācorrectā thing to do. My mom sure wanted me to get a gf. Every single guy around me was talking about their attraction to girls. And I just thought I had toā¦
I asked a couple of them out. Or, I tried to. It never really worked. I think they kinda hated me, cause I was a textbook nerdy incel, lol. Never wore glasses thoā¦
It was so bad that I was only friends with like one or two girls. And I canāt blame them, I was fucking awful at the timeā¦
But then, when I was about 15 years old, I started purposefully building a yaoi collection in my free time. Itās a massive folder now, even tho I no longer use it. It was summer and me and my best friend at the time decided to play truth or dare. Playing a cheap CSGO clone on our phones, we decided the winner tops the loser. And wellā¦I lost completely on purpose.
And that was my first time, ever. With a guy, nonetheless. At 15, with my ābest friendā. It wasnāt special, there was no fanfare, it was just a stupid dare we thought would be funny. Today, I know the guy is a bigoted, hateful asshole whoās dating a TERF and they both hate my guts for being trans, but it wasā¦an experience.
And after that, I completely gave up on forcing myself to like girls. I finally admitted to myself that I like men and men only. I started being much more comfortable in their presence, I started noticing them more and I startedā¦fantisizingā¦about them, about sleeping with them.
And ofc, years later I met my lovely boyfriend and I started HRT, meaning the progesterone makes me want nothing more than to be pinned down and take menās cocks, over and over and over again until I canāt walk straight š
But yeahā¦I still remember my first time. And I just wish it couldāve been on HRT already, so that it would have been more special. And I also kinda wish it wouldāve been with a person that doesnāt hate my existence :P
Honestly...
Iām kinda jelly that you got an experience like that, and not just because thatās such a juicy situation. That sort of wake-up call just isnāt something I ever got. I stumbled around for years, at first not realizing that I wasnāt actually ācorrect,ā then not being sure if it was actually real. I never got a single opportunity to experience femininity and barely got to explore my attraction to men. Being really into women only made it more difficult, as it helped me keep up the delusion that I was just a basic cishet. If I actually got an opportunity to experiment like that without immediately needing to acknowledge that it wasnāt so normal, maybe I couldāve started my journey of self discovery sooner.
Then again, I literally admitted that I wanted to fuck my friend and somehow didnāt realize I liked him until years later, so maybe it wouldnāt have actually helped my clueless ass.
It was an experience for sureā¦but not one Iād recommend. The very same person that took my virginity is the same person that pushed me way deeper into the closet when my egg cracked, at 14. Andā¦that hurt more than anything heās done.
But hey, I still started at 19, which isnāt the end of the world? Or at least, thatās what I try to tell myselfā¦Iām not sure if this is likeā¦tied to femininity? Because gay men exist. They sleep with men. Androphillic enbies exist. Theyāre not men. But I think I get it.
Iām glad I got this experience. It was an eye-opener and it convinced me that yes, I actually do like men. A lot, lol.
And, you know? I donāt think many people can say they fucked their best friend š
Iāmā¦proud? Not reallyā¦If that is your wish, I hope you get to experiment with your attraction to men more. I wish you luck š©·
It was less so tied to femininity and more so tied to realizing I was queer. It was a gateway to so many things I needed to learn about myself, from being trans to being poly. Breaking the cishet illusion totally changed the game for me, and while it sucks that the process was such a process, Iām happy to know what I know now.
For the time being, while I do think trying men would be fun, I have little interest in seeking them out. Iām far more attracted to women and femmes, plus I donāt have much interest in seeking any relationships with men in particular. I like spending time with women more and donāt feel pressured to hang out with guys like I used to. Iām currently content with leaving the possibility open, but I would never go out of my way for it. If it happens it happens.
Making a platonic relationship intimate is absolutely a vibe. Part of it is making a deep relationship even deeper, and part of it is the thrill of testing that relationship. That said, it is inherently risky, and I know how much those situations can fuck you up.
Also, 19 is a great age to start. I didnāt even think suspect I might be trans until around that age
Iām glad youāre here, girl. All of us. Even tho it doesnāt seem that way, weāve all made it so far. Itās amazing š
I think keeping it as an open possibility is a good idea. Itās your choice, in any case!
Best of luck, lovely person who isnāt Jessica ā¤ļø
Aw what a story.
Edit.: Having such posts around is very uplifting. Itās so rare I actually see men being appreciated.
Waitā¦rare to see men being appreciated? Have youā¦been paying attention to any of my posts?? ššš
I honestly doubt that thereās anyone on Lemmy who loves men as much as I do. Teehee :3
Oh, yeah, no worries. Itās just hard to grow out of a world that constantly tells you that men are the worst through performative misandry.
Some incels say theyāll transition out of spite: if women can get laid so easily, why not use estrogen to escape their predicament?
(Iām not an incel btw, and IDK about documented cases of them doing it but they do talk about it)
Wow. Thereās so much wrong with that logicā¦
I wonāt deny that when men are attracted to you, you can have sex pretty easily (I think? in my mind, there are tons of desperate, sexually frustrated men). I mean fuck, if I wanted, I could have as many dick pics as I wanted to, lol
Still, I donāt think thatās a ābeing a womanā thing. And that logic is just all kinds of messed upā¦just sounds like misogyny to me :P
misogyny
yeah, the āfā in āincelā stands for āfeministā. Good that you can identify what makes them creepy, use this to be safe
LMAO, so true. Iām safe, donāt worry about me š
Iām a bit crazy myself, which is a kind of protection from bad actors š /s
Itās easier to get laid when you seek out men. Nine times out of ten those are also the ādonāt stick your dick in crazyā type of men that are best avoided.
So the logic isnāt entirely wrong itās just missing a lot of wisdom.
Exactly. They can simply have casual hookups with men without having to transition. Unfortunately for them, theyāre cowards who canāt break out of comphet and actually enjoy themselves.
Thanks for the story!
No problem! I just felt like getting it out. It helps to do that, every once in a while.
Thanks girlie š
>thereās a warning for ādepiction of incelā
![After taking rule for the first time... [CW: slightly offensive, CW: depiction of "incels"]](https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/45191985-9562-481b-8fbc-2c1616c13b90.webp){kind=link}